I nearly let fear keep me from college–but stepping out, even just a little, led me into the most transformative years of my life.
A month before my high school graduation, I fell into the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. It lingered all summer, weighing me down until just a couple weeks before I started college. I was miserable, scared and frustrated. Terrified of leaving the K-12 bubble I had lived in for so long. The thought of growing up and stepping into a new, unfamiliar world overwhelmed me. I even turned down a school in Conway because the commitment felt too big, too far.
Instead, I chose Arkansas State University – just 30 minutes from home – because it felt safe.
And now, as I prepare to walk the stage in May, I know that was the best decision I ever made.
Although the fear still creeps in from time to time, I’ve come to realize that everything I’ve learned over the past four years wasn’t just about getting to this moment. I’ve learned valuable life lessons that I’ll carry with me for a long time.
Fear doesn’t mean you’re not ready, it means you care
I wasn’t just scared of failure or not living up to expectations–or of surpassing my parents’ devastating sacrifice as a first-generation child of immigrants. I was afraid of being closer to independence, of not having all the answers. But who knew that the biggest lessons would come from this very school, from meeting the right people at exactly the right time.
College isn’t just about earning a degree, it’s about meeting the world
I went to a high school that was predominantly white. And while A-State is a PWI too, I’ve never been around so many different people, cultures, stories and ways of being–not in the way I experienced them before, outside that small town bubble in Paragould.
I not only encourage you to attend any event that highlights culture and traditions, but to enroll in classes that strike conversations–even arguments. Challenge yourself and your beliefs, even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s where real growth can begin.
Some friendships are meant to end. That doesn’t make them meaningless.
I’m not the same as I was in high school, and I shouldn’t be. Not four or five years later. I’ve come to understand that growth sometimes means letting go. And the friendships that lasted prove we can withstand anything. And the ones that didn’t? Well, they mattered too–maybe even because they were temporary.
From first-year orientation to The Herald newsroom, the friendships I made here were all meaningful in their own ways. With each year, each one taught me something about myself.
To those graduating alongside me and wondering what comes next — or to anyone who’s just scared of what’s ahead — don’t be. I hate to say it, but trust the process. And if, at the end of the day, you realize college isn’t for you, that’s okay too. I just hope we all find ourselves on the same path of inner peace.
Categories: Opinion
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