I wasn’t planning on going to Lemonade House Grille Friday night, but sorority life is sorority life, and that means sometimes you’ve got to enter a hot dog eating contest. 

Since the contest fell during Delta Zeta’s philanthropy week, the “Buns and Beats” event at Lemonade House Grille was mandatory for us. But even though I had plans at 7:00, I’m a goody-two-shoes, and I agreed to go.

A general rule of thumb in Jonesboro: Don’t have events downtown. Please. Parking downtown is awful enough on a normal day, but add the fact that Main Street was closed for this event, and it becomes literal hell on Earth. 

Explain to me why I had to park at Shadrach’s Underground after two loops around downtown for an event at Lemonade House Grille, a full block and a half and seven-minute walk away. It was pitch-black, and, in my opinion, downtown Jonesboro is not the safest place at night.

Anyway, I digress. After spending way too long to find a parking spot, I make it to Lemonade House and meet the massive crowd already assembled there. I’m fulfilling my first student responsibility of the night. I told myself I had 20 minutes until I had to leave for my second commitment of the night, covering Jonesboro High School’s (JHS) football game for Delta Digital News Service.

The next bit is a blur. I probably blocked it out because I hate my life choices sometimes, but I somehow got dragged into the hot dog eating contest because, well, someone has to, and nobody else was stepping up. And I was promised a gift card for participating, which I still haven’t received by the way.

Shooting daggers at all my sorority sisters in the crowd, I signed my name and introduced myself into the mic, using my outstanding hype-up skills.

As the guys set up an extra table I ran into Ibuki Hinohara, The Herald’s own photo editor, who was also competing for his fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega. Sadly, they wouldn’t let me stand by him and instead had me placed by the only other girl in the competition. 

It was two girls against 12 guys. Where’s the fairness in that?

As I chatted with the other girl in the competition, I discovered her goal was to eat 10 hot dogs; mine was simply to not make a fool of myself.

The emcee said it was 10 minutes until the event began and I was appalled. I was supposed to be at JHS in 15 minutes. I did not have time for this, so I shot more daggers at the crowd cheering me on.

They introduced us, and I could hear my sisters screaming my name–my amazing Little saying, “That’s my big!”–and my eye began to twitch. Whether it was from annoyance, fear, or the fact that I was still full from my Chick-fil-A lunch, I’m not sure. 

What I was sure of, though, was that I was not going to dip my bun into the water like everyone else did. I’m a purist, if nothing else. The bread was dry, the hot dog itself was making my tongue numb, and the unlucky Pike, who was required to be on my team, was not very happy once he realized I refused to dump the bun into water.

I had too many people watching to be that gross, and I didn’t care if everyone else was dipping. Fighting the embarrassment of competing in the contest, I was not dumping that bun into the water. Give me some mayonnaise and ketchup, please. That would’ve been a Godsend.

The embarrassment did not end there, unfortunately. 

Ten minutes later, four dogs were all I could manage. The girl next to me got maybe six or eight, but she was on the verge of throwing up, so at least I wasn’t dealing with that. 

Ibuki downed eight, but the winner, a dude named Eli Campbell, put down 11. I feel ill just writing it out. 

I thought I was home free after that, ready to stare down every single DZ there. But nothing can be that easy, can it? There was a cheering competition, and each person who competed in the hot-dog-eating contest had to go back up and compete to see who got the loudest cheers.

I made the final two: Greg Daffron and me. 

Ibuki was out in the first elimination round and the traitor didn’t even cheer for me in the final two rounds. He’s on my list and he knows it. 

While I had the power of sorority girls on my side, Daffron had the power of everyone else. I blame the fact that he was actually featured on Lemonade House’s Instagram earlier that day. 

No matter who won, the money went to two good causes. For Campbell, it was the NEA Humane Society. For Daffron, it went towards Christmas gifts for foster kids. So, while I’m upset I ate four dry hot dogs for nothing but embarrassment and a supposed gift card, I’m glad the money went towards two great causes. Indirectly helping to raise money for these fantastic local causes made me proud to be an A-State student. 

When I was finally released, I confronted Ibuki for betraying me. We got a photo together, and I went on my way to JHS, just to park at Dairy Queen, walk to the football field, and cover a senior night blowout that I was two touchdowns late to. 

I learned two things that night. One, I’ll begrudgingly do anything that’s asked of me. And two, mayonnaise and ketchup are required if I ever hope to win a hot dog eating contest in the future. 

Categories: Life