The five episode season five of “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” is officially out and five minutes in, Taylor Frankie Paul is stressing everyone, including me, out. 

The main issue with reality tv is that the seasons premier months after what happens in real life. 

So, in this season, Dakota and Taylor are still sleeping together, Whitney Leavitt’s “Chicago” opening night is just happening three episodes in, Jessi Draper and Jordan are STILL together while Jessi is furiously hating on her current fling, Marciano Brunette.

The public “Bachelorette” season cancellation with Taylor Frankie Paul following a released domestic violence situation is at the end of the season and is the reason the season was only five episodes long. 

The season starts and Taylor is back from filming the Bachelorette and she says she’s engaged to Doug, the winner of the season. The winner that none of her friends or family liked by the way. 

Taylor then proceeds to talk about how she’s slept with Dakota since she got back and that she doesn’t love Doug and she loves Ben, some TikTok dude she was seeing before her Bachelorette season began. 

Just to recap Taylor’s love life in this season: A fiance, a toxic baby daddy fling and a boyfriend. All in five episodes. 

Enough about Taylor though, even though every season and every episode of this trainwreck of a show is about her. 

I was team Jen Afflec for three and a half seasons. I was team Jen, over Whitney at least, during Dancing with the Stars last year. Now, I cannot stand her. 

Speaking of Dancing with the Stars, if they show that damn clip of the Halloween episode where Jen got voted off one more time, I’m personally pulling a Demi and sending a cease and desist on Hulu. I’m tired of seeing Allan stand on the elimination block by himself because Elaine got injured.

I digress, though, because what do you mean Jen now has me siding with Zac, her husband who threw a fuss in season one over a Vegas trip. She turned me into a Whitney Leavitt fan because Jen just argues to argue and doesn’t know what the hell she’s saying. 

“I said that because I was desperately wanting to validate what wasn’t fully happening,” Afflec said during the insane episode that was episode five. 

The quote was regarding a time Jen told Mayci and Mikayla that they were the only ones there for her during the hardest time in her life. 

She also brought up stuff that happened two or three years ago in both her argument with Whitney and with Mayci and Mikayla. Like girl, that’s old and, for the most part, already apologized for. 

Whitney is lucky as hell she’s hardly in this season because I wasn’t even in the show and I wanted to leave. 

Mayci and Miranda stay being my favorite girls and Mikayla with her no-shit attitude is making her way up to a very close three-way tie. 

While this show at its core is the biggest trainwreck known to man, it’s also genuinely funny. The people behind the scenes do a bang-up job every season but this season was something else. 

The season came to an end when production halted filming back in March, fans had to dig up from MomTok and news outlets everything that came after the fact.

However, MomTok is, hypothetically, still alive and well because Hulu has ordered 20 more episodes between seasons six and seven, although who knows who all will be back for season seven. Filming for season six is already underway and will, if the release pattern continues, be released sometime in March of 2027. 

Hopefully the audience will get more insight as to what’s gone down these past six months with the members of MomTok. 

Categories: Arts & Entertainment