Over the summer, I came across numerous articles, think pieces and YouTube videos dedicated to a common topic, the “performative male.” 

The “performative male” was commonly characterized by a twenty-something guy wearing a tote bag carrying feminist literature, wired earphones that allowed easy access to the music of Clairo or Lana Del Rey and an ice cold matcha in their hand as they pranced around their cities in search of women to manipulate. 

The internet, to everyone’s surprise, had mixed reactions. 

Some championed the supposed ‘exposing’ of these men for the dangers they present to the modern woman while others defended our matcha sipping brothers from these ‘attacks’ by lauding their commitment to the things they enjoy, regardless of what is expected of them. 

This particular discourse brought to mind the idea that it is a seemingly negative thing to be ‘performative,’ or at least, to appear inauthentic. 

But actually, everyone is performative. 

We present the version of ourselves we want the world to see. 

In an increasingly complex digital world that casts doubt on any and everything, people are in desperate search for authenticity. 

They want real people talking about real issues while living their real lives and anything that would take away from that perspective is classified as performative and, as a result, a knock against the alleged performer. 

A man listening to Clairo? Performative. A woman playing video games? Performative. 

But this classification assumes that ‘performing’ is abnormal and not a fact of life. To chastise someone for the way that they present themselves to the world, both online or in person, is to also say that the default state for people is one of unfiltered authenticity and that these ‘performers’ are engaging in manipulative tactics meant to benefit themselves at the expense of others through their ‘performance.’ 

Gender in itself is one huge performance. 

Take the common association with men and sports or women and fashion. Because of these assumed gender roles, a man may be looked at funny for being into fashion while a female sports fan may be dismissed and not taken as seriously when discussing games. 

As men in society, we perform our masculinity through a variety of factors like the way we dress, the way we sit and the media we consume. The same goes for women. 

As we have become more progressive and accepting socially over time, these gender norms have been challenged and stretched beyond their original limits and many now champion the ability of anyone to express themselves in whatever way they see fit to do so. 

The same standards should apply to these ‘performative men,’ they should be able to dress how they want, accessorize how they want and if they are revealed later to be manipulative, then that distinction can be confirmed at that time, but we shouldn’t assume the worst of everyone we come across just because the internet said so. 

This does not cover the understandable caution that women take with strangers, especially men, to prioritize their own safety and well-being, but if the boys like matcha, let them have matcha. 

The unintentional consequences of this type of online discourse is that it sends the message to young men that the only accepted ways for them to present themselves is through forms of traditional masculinity, which can lead to radicalization and the ‘manosphere’ and create even more ‘toxic masculinity’ that will require even more learning to get them out of. 

It is easy to be skeptical or pessimistic, but if we give people the chance to prove their character and avoid casting judgment at first glance, we can create a healthier society for us all. 

But of course, that’s just one man’s opinion. 

Categories: Opinion