PHOTO COURTESY OF IMDB.COM

A graphic showing a cliche dating comedy movie.

You’ll find it when you least expect it. And you’ll know when you find it, there’s no rhyme or reason as to how you’ll know, you just will. 

Before you meet this person, however, you have to love yourself first. If you begin a relationship with someone, and they’re not taking you on extravagant dates, spending every waking moment with you, and worshipping the ground you walk on, then they’re not the one- because if they wanted to, they would, right? 

Don’t worry, though: there’s plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll find your person when you least expect it.

I’m almost positive the paragraph above sounded very familiar, especially if you’ve asked a close friend or colleague for relationship advice. And, if you’ve ever struggled with dating during a vulnerable time such as this- as many of us have- I’m sure it induced at least some amount of rage or frustration. Advice like this isn’t truly helpful at all. 

In fact, when struggling to find someone worthy of spending the rest of your life with, none of these are things you’d actually want to hear.

To begin, the phrase “you’ll find it when you least expect it” is so disheartening to people who have been seeking a genuine connection since the moment they first watched a Disney princess movie. 

Women, especially from a young age, are presented with the idea that the most pivotal moment in their lives is when they meet their “prince charming,” only to be met with disappointment after disappointment in real life. 

It’s hard to shake the idea that “the one” is out there, and even harder to shake the reality that our sole purpose in life is to find them. If you’re anything like me, you may constantly see potential even when there is none. 

So the idea of not expecting something is impossible to comprehend when you’ve spent your entire life expecting something. Therefore, telling someone that they’ll “find someone when they least expect it” may be insensitive and inaccurate, depending on their mindset.

Another phrase that I am sick and tired of hearing is “when you know, you know.” What is there to know? How do I discern truth versus distorted reality? 

There are no telltale signs that the person you’re sharing a Triple Dipper with is truly your soulmate, unless Jesus himself crashes your date to tell you. Over time, as you learn more about the other person, you will discover whether you are compatible. 

Another major part of seeking a long-term relationship is your willingness to solve problems with the other person. No matter how big or small the problem is, if you aren’t willing to go through rough patches, then why are you with them in the first place? 

If the good moments are the only reason you’re with someone, then you don’t actually want the person. You want a relationship. 

So don’t expect a divine epiphany, or a love-at-first-glance interaction, although some relationships allegedly form this way. 

Expect clear communication, respected boundaries, and clear compatibility- the three most important aspects of maintaining a long-term relationship.

The third and final phrase I want to touch on is the phrase “if he wanted to, he would.” To an extent, this phrase is important. If you’re clearly communicating your needs and expectations to the other person, they should develop an understanding of that and work to meet them. 

However, there is a fine line between a basic expectation and an extravagant request. For instance, I don’t expect my long-distance boyfriend to drive two and a half hours to see me every single day. I don’t expect him to pay for everything because I understand that as a student, he doesn’t make a steady income. 

I want him to save his money so he can pay for things he truly needs: gas, food, necessities. While I do expect him to pay sometimes, I understand that there will be times when he just can’t and that is perfectly okay with me. 

However, if they aren’t meeting basic requests- spending time with you (although not every waking hour), showing affection (although not smothering you every second of the day), respecting boundaries, and caring for the other person- then that’s where it becomes an issue. 

It’s important to note that there is a fine line between needs and unrealistic desires and communicating that with your partner is the best way to see that line. No two relationships are the same, and no two people are the same so understanding your partner is the best way to see what they need.

You’ll find it, whether you’re looking or not. And you’ll know when you find it because you and your special person will be compatible, compassionate, and communicative. While loving yourself is important in a relationship, the other person should be able to make you feel loved as well. 

Expect realistic things from your partner, and understand how to meet their needs as well. Best of luck in the dating world. I believe that everyone can find their person eventually.

Categories: Opinion